Thursday, June 24, 2010

Jesus and Mary May Be After Me...UPDATED

On my drive to work this morning as per my usual custom I looked in my review mirror when approaching a red light (I like to have advanced knowledge if someone's about to plow into the back of my car). What I didn't expect to see was a modern day Jesus in the passenger seat of a Mazda...and I'm pretty sure Mary was behind the wheel. Below is an artists (see: "my") rendition of what this looked like:

Right away I found myself wondering where Joseph was, 'cause really, when do you hear of Jesus and Mary, but not Joseph? This was around the time I figured they had probably stuffed ole' Joe in the trunk. It makes perfect sense - technically he was Jesus' stepdad - and honestly, how often do you find a kid who actually likes their step-parents? And let's face it...Mary got knocked up when she was engaged to Joseph, leaving him to raise a kid that wasn't even his. If you ask me, that would leave a bit of a sore spot in that relationship which I'm sure came up on more than one occasion:

Joseph: Mary, can you please rub my feet? My donkey died of heat exhaustion and I had to spend the last 8 hours walking home.
Mary: I'm really not a foot person Joseph...
Joseph: Yeah, well I'm not really into raising my fiance's illegitimate children, but I did it just for you. All I'm asking is for you to rub my feet. That's small beans if you ask me.

A couple thousand years of having that thrown in your face would grow pretty old I would imagine. I'm thinking they both got sick of him and finally decided to do something about it. The problem is, I had these thoughts when they were driving right behind me, and I'm not sure if Jesus can read minds or not, but they looked a little on edge after my theory was mentally worked through. If I was in fact right, they may come after me once they dispose of Joseph. Yet again, if I happen to disappear, you all know what happened to me (either Jesus and Mary got me, the elevator crashed, or the guy in my building with the handcuffs finally caught up with me.)

FYI? I'm not the only one who's seen Jesus!

After reading this post one of my coworkers sent the link to a friend of hers who owns a Mazda dealership. She then joked about me submitting artwork for their advertising. Since I've only been working here for 5-6 months, she hasn't yet learned that she needs to be cautious with her playful suggestions as some of us are crazy ambitious and will take it to the next level. Naturally, once she suggested me working with Mazda on their advertising, I came out with the following (which will promptly be sent to Mazda headquarters):

"Jesus drives a Mazda - why don't you?"
"Mazda - the Messiah's choice"
"Save your money and your soul when you buy Mazda!"

Mazda should totally hire me.

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