Wednesday, June 16, 2010

This Post May Seem Sappy....But It's Mostly About Balls and Vampires - UPDATED

Just a few ways I know my husband loves me (without getting too embarrassing for him):

1. When golfing last weekend, I felt a sensation that can best be described as having had a bug fly up and splatter on my face like a car windshield. When I turned to Ryan I asked "Do I have anything on my face?", without hesitation he responded "A whole lot of pretty."

2. Breakfast in bed on a fairly regular basis (and we're not talking a bowl of cereal here people...). On the morning's when it's not breakfast in bed he offers to make me something while I scramble to get ready for work on time.

3. When I have the occasional stressful dream where he is an ass or he cheats on me or something and I wake up in the morning with a chip on my shoulder, he apologizes for how the nightmare-version of him behaved instead of calling the men in the white jackets to come and take me away.

4. He's found a way to find the humour in the way my mind operates (as opposed to calling the men in the white jackets - which really? I'm still a little baffled about.)

5. He's still with me even though I sometimes have the maturity level of a 5 year old - especially when it comes to his mistress: golf. Observe.

On the box that my golf balls come in. It also says "Long and Soft" on each individual golf ball, so everytime I go to tee up I subtly giggle. I think this is why I choke so often on my tee shots. Thanks a lot Noodle.

On the cover of his golf magazine. I mean seriously - how does one not interpret this as testicular? Also - why do they just want to find you one? Aren't they kind of a matching set??

He has the golf channel on every chance he gets - and so in the background I'm constantly listening to shaft, head, balls, long and stroke (I apologize to my in-laws should they be reading this). I find it interesting that the sport containing the greatest volume of terminology that can be interpreted in the context of male anatomy, seems to be the one that is more popular among the women of just about any age bracket when compared to other sports. What does that say about us?!

**UPDATE: I have determined that women need to rally together and create a sport that revolves around terms applicable to the female anatomy or anything we as females deem appropriate. I personally feel "iffy" about some of the terms used to describe our anatomy, but feel that these would be better suited for capturing the male 'audience'/participants. If we used sterotypical words like 'purse', 'shoes', 'make up', 'nursing bra', 'flowers', etc etc...(random, I know), I feel the male population would be less likely to roll with it. Put on your thinking Santa Barbara caps ladies!!

6. Finally, he's still with me even though one day soon I'm likely to bite his neck and suck his blood since I'm pretty sure I'm turning into a vampire after discovering this:

I have to say that I'm impressed at how sly this vamp must have been because I didn't feel a thing...except maybe a little itching afterwards. Wait, kind of a lot of itching. Just a minute you guys - did I just get a vampiric equivalent to an STD??? I am so going to kill that blood sucking Huh. Touché you disease ridden vampire. Touché.

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