Monday, July 19, 2010

Toto, We're Not In Kansas Anymore

The Setting: Our golf course, last Sunday.
The Players: Myself, Ryan, and my Father-in-Law.

We were making a weak attempt at a round of golf the day after Ryan and I had spent a family-fun day at the zoo. The zoo-day was hot, sunny and also included embarrassing rounds of tether-ball and several games of volley-ball (in which yours-truly was an undefeated volleyball champion. Naturally.). Translation? Exhausting. (*Note: no Tapir's. Too bad.)
So the next morning we're out on the course - it's mostly sunny with a few non-threatening clouds appearing here and there to block the sun. Initially, these were a wonderful reprieve from the UV rays that were just screaming "Skin Cancer for everyone!" as they beat down on us. Around the 8th fairway I hear the guys a couple holes ahead say "I'm getting the hell out of here!". My first assumption was that they saw my exhausted awesome skills and thought "Man, that chick is making me feel bad about my game"- and so they were going to high-tail it out of there to salvage their 'manly dignity'. That was when I realized the sun-overdose from the day before had officially made me delusional and when I checked back into reality I noticed they were looking up. I followed their gaze to find this:

I realize for some people, the funnel cloud is just part in parcel with your everyday storm. These are a considered a rarity 'round these parts, and thus, camera worthy.

Now, the funnel didn't get much bigger than you see in this photo here, and so it certainly didn't make it to the ground. Not so exciting, right? So why post it you ask? I found it interesting that the potential for a tornado above our heads didn't cause any sort of physiological or emotional reaction for me. I didn't feel afraid or panicked, and I didn't envision us being scooped up by a twister and violently thrown down on the spikes of a white picket fence 3km away (honest.). I do however start sweating instantly when I know I have to go down the stairs (since I seem to fall down them. A lot.), I panic when I'm in the elevator and keep a finger hovered over the stop button. I also refuse to stand and strongly discourage Ryan from standing under the fan in the ceiling of the elevator. I've been on that ride "Tower of Terror" - and so I know that the second the elevator starts to plummet, the 'inhabitants' of said elevator are instantly going up due to the absence of gravity. Would you want to be standing under a fan when that happens? If you would have otherwise survived the fall, your head going through a rotating fan would be pretty disappointing. Finally, a new fear that has recently sprouted that I realize seems completely unwarranted is air conditioners. I am horrified walking to the back door of my building or driving under the balconies for fear of having an air conditioner fall out of a window just to land on me or on my car and come crashing through the roof, killing whoever happens to be underneath it. These are the things I worry about. A twister? Seems like small beans to me in comparison.

Also? I'm pretty sure the KGB is after me - or rather, trying to communicate with me under the guise of spam-mail. I've received several e-mails to my work address that resemble the following:

This is what I get from this e-mail: (Note: I never actually open the e-mail. I mean this is the KGB people, they're not going to send an everyday e-mail. Everything I need to know is coded in the e-mail address. This is why I'm the chosen one, y'all.)

"KGB" = is not what you think it is - it is how they address me, and it stands for "Kind, Gentle Beauty" (those Russians may seem hardcore, but they're romantics at heart ya know).
"Koock" - I assume "Koock" to be the codename of one of the KGB enemies located in my area.
"Diphiced" = Since these Russians are technically ESL students, this is kind of their dyslexic way of writing "deciphered". So they're starting to tell me that this "Koock" character is onto the correspondence method of choice. Oh shit.
"KGB" = "KGB". Duh.
"hiincnlld" = "Hi! Intel cancelled." Basically, this means they wanted to drop me a line to let me know they're still interested (hence the "Hi!"), but that because of this "Koock" guy's antics, they're going to have to withhold communications from me for a while.
To be honest with you? This is fine by me.
Loony Out.

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