When getting dressed for work this morning, I could not have foreseen the following conversation taking place between myself and my friend K via text message this afternoon:
(BACK STORY: I discovered a shirt in my closet that I forgot I had and decided that today would be the day I'd take it out for a spin to see if we still agreed with each other. While at work I happened to look down once and noticed that there was an exceptional amount of cleavage/boobage showing, but desperately needed a second opinion. Hence the following...)
I apologize for the poor quality photo, but it was taken with the camera on my phone, and given the fact that I was trying to take a picture of my scantily clad chest while in the middle of the office, I wasn't going for quality. I was looking simply to get the photo before some of my co-workers came by and saw what I was doing. I'm technically still on probation you know.
So I send her the picture asking her opinion on the professionalism (or lack thereof) of the wardrobe selection for the day.
K: OMG no you did not?!?! It's kinda hard to tell...might be on the cusp.
ME: 'No I didn't' what?
K: Take a pic of your cleave and send it to me...but obviously you did.
Me: Yes I did..you can share it with friends around the office if you'd like. (Don't judge - those people have no idea who I am. I was kidding, but I mean c'mon...if I'm posting the picture on the internet, then I'm pretty sure that already qualifies me for amateur cyber-pornstar status.)
K: I'm sure Jared* would love me to send this to him! (*Some names have been changed to protect identities and sexual conquests)
Me: Well you don't want to show the boobs of another girl to the guy you were just with last night. C'mon K!
K: I know...especially because they're nice ones!
Me: Awww...thanks! I'm flattered that you like my boobies!
K: Although when I look at that pic quickly it kinda looks like something else...
Me: Don't say a butt....
Me: (horrified!) MY BOOBS LOOK LIKE A CROTCH TO YOU?! No one thinks a crotch looks good! Oh, this is horrible!
K: (scrambling to cram her foot in her mouth) Just when I looked at it fast!!! They don't normally look like that!
Me: OMG, what if people around the office think the same thing?! What if I'm known as the girl with the "Crotch chest" and don't even know it? People might be calling me "Vagina Boobs" and lord help me if I ever grow an errant hair in the area! Oh my god this is terrible!
K: Hahaha omg you're making me laugh out loud!!!!
(Ed Note: can I please mention how even though at this moment I'm wanting to beat this girl senseless, I'm secretly loving her because she actually wrote out "laugh out loud" in a text instead of the ever-so-popular "Lol"?)
Me: This is no laughing matter! Did you set this all up so you could laugh at your crotchy-chested friend?
K: Yup!! It's been planned for a while now. 'Cause I knew you were going to send me that pic...
(I think I detected a hint of sarcasm behind that text...)
Me: You're a twisted individual K...no wonder we're friends. But hey - silver lining? At least it's my chest that looks like a cooch and not my face, right?