Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Preparing for the Zombie Apocalypse

A few consecutive nights of poor sleep prompted the following e-mail exchange between myself and Jenny Lawson - The Bloggess.  I felt it important to share so you too can prepare appropriately.

Hi Jenny!
This morning I inadvertently did a "zombie" walk* as I approached my 9 month old German Shepherd puppy (who's a GIANT, I might add).  Needless to say, it royally freaked him out and his response sparked a discussion between my husband and I about the best way to prepare him for the impending Zombie Apocalypse.  I know you no longer have the "Ask The Bloggess" site, but I knew we needed to consult an expert and so I'm in desperate need of your advice.  Do we train him to decapitate zombie's by biting their heads off, or will this put him at risk of becoming a zombie dog?  Should we teach him to run away?  Are there other things we could be teaching him to ensure the survival of the family when the zombies inevitably come to try and eat our brains?
*NOTE:  I am not a zombie.  The zombie walk in question was merely a result of my sleep deprivation and a sore arch in my left foot.
Jenny's response:

You need to teach him to use a samurai sword.  This is the only viable

You see why we needed to consult her.  Needless to say, the Shepherd Samurai Training had to start immediately if we were to be adequately prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse...

Toby losing his Samurai virginity - wielding the sword with pride and enthusiasm.  I'm pretty sure the sword also gives him the power to shoot lasers from his eyes.  Our chances of survival are looking good, indeed.   

But after some time spent practicing his new Samurai skills...

The Samurai life appears to be emotionally and physically draining.  My confidence in our survival is lacking a little now.  

Also?  The cat is none too impressed with the new plan.  Trying to include her in the training was unsuccessful and a little dangerous.  Lesson learned.


Annette said...

OMG Loony!!!!! This is soo funny! I love how your stressing about that. I am always thinking of ways to prepare for such an event. Tomorrow I will be getting up at 6am to exercise. Why? Because good cardio=longer life if I'm ever chased. Love you, Nanan

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

That dog is a total bad-ass.

He just needs to work on stamina.