...so I don't think it's anthrax and report it to the authorities...

If you'll recall, I recently wrote a letter to crest to which I surprisingly received a prompt response as seen below.



Okay, so I realize that the picture kinda sucks and for some reason it won't go any bigger for me, so FYI, it says: (NOTE: her typos have been left in for authenticity)

While it's great to hear you're pleased with Crest and find your mouth minty and fresh after each use, I'm sorry to learn some of the product got in your while brushing. We appreciate your bringing this to our attention and I'm sharing your report with our Health and Safety Division.

Many of our decisions to change or improve packages are based on feedback from concerned consumers like you. Please be assured I’m sharing your recommendations for with the rest of our Crest Team letting them know you'd like to see additional information added to the warning statement on the package.

Since the amount of help I can offer via email is limited, I'd like to follow up with you by postal mail. Please respond with your complete name and mailing address. Once we have that, you can expect to hear from us within the next 2-3 weeks. Meanwhile, please hold on to the package and any remaining product for two weeks in the event our Health and Safety Division needs to retrieve them.

For answers to medical questions, we recommend you speak with your doctor who will be able to give you the best advice.

Thanks again for getting in touch.

Amy
Crest Team

As I noted on the image of the e-mail response, they engaged in a bit of repetition. Let's review, shall we?

My original e-mail to them: "I love your toothpaste and find it leaves my mouth feeling minty and fresh after each use..."

Note their starting response: "...and find your mouth minty and fresh after each use..."

Ryan informed me that the whole repetition thing is a tactic used in sales. It is also used in hostage negotiations to calm and reassure terrorists. Thanks for making me sound like a terrorist Amy.

Also noted was the discussion on the Health and Safety Department retrieving my toothpaste. I immediately envision them showing up in bomb squad attire, or at the very least some hazmat outfits to take away my oral care products.

Finally, when they say "...we recommend you speak with your doctor...", I'm pretty sure what they're saying is "Seek psychiatric help. Immediately."|

So naturally I had to respond. My response to Amy and the rest of the Crest team is below, complete with images.

To: pg_naconsumerrelations@mailnj.custhelp.com
Subject: RE: Thank you for contacting Crest. [ ref:00D7JViV.5007Br5BE:ref ]
Date: Tue, 27 Apr 2010 00:50:43 +0000

Hi Amy,

Thanks for such a prompt response and for enacting so quickly on my concerns. I am pleased to see that Crest not only values consumers' feedback, but their eyesight as well. It's a very redeeming quality in a company as large as P&G.
For the benefit of yourself, your Health and Safety Division and the rest of the Crest Team, I have taken the liberty of attaching product photos. As you can see in the first photo, I was unable to adhere to your request to hold onto any remaining product as this photo is of an empty tube. Since I am from Canada (and not another Country known for having people with bad teeth...I think we all know who I'm talking about), boycotting any or all oral hygiene practices is not an option.
The second photo shows our new favourite Crest product (picture #2) - and the packaging of this product shows that it too advises, nay, dictates that the user must not swallow the contents, but fails to provide instruction should the paste make it into the eye.

Since we're talking about potentially changing product packaging, another time when I was brushing my teeth in a sleepy daze, I inadvertently got some residual toothpaste on my chin. Since I was half asleep at the time, I failed to notice this and went to bed. When I awoke in the morning I discovered that the zit that had laid claim to the better half of my chin had dramatically decreased in size (and redness) over night. How could this be? The toothpaste had effectively dried it out! Because of this, I'm suggesting that you include a statement about it's acne fighting powers on the packaging (see picture) - and/or re-package and re-market this product under the skin care departments of all suppliers. I may have just generated millions of dollars for P&G with this idea. You're welcome.

Also, as per your request, I have included my name and address below, however if you could provide some insight as to what sort of mail I can expect to receive from you, I'll be less likely to think it's anthrax and call the authorities. I don't want to go through that mess again.


Thanks for your continued interest in my concerns. Looking forward to your response.

Picture 1a

Picture 1b


Picture 2

I'm curious as to what they'll be sending along in the mail. I figured it's a 50/50 chance that it's either coupons/free stuff OR a restraining order. We'll soon find out.