Hate the playa AND the game!

I recently discovered that Crest is playin' the game with me. When I wrote in to them a month ago with my concerns over having had their toothpaste in my eye on several occassions, they wrote back and seemed to be genuinely concerned. (Although it remains to be seen whether their concern was for my personal safety - or theirs, FROM me. No restraining order yet!). I was told by the Crest representative that they'd be sending me something in the mail in two to three weeks, however it has been a month now, and I've received nothing. BOOOO CREST! So in return for the absence of mailage, they have received the following from me:



(If you can't read the text, leave a note on this post and I'll edit with the text in the body of this post for all to see)

Since I've only just sent this e-mail, there has not yet been a response, however you can rest assured that as soon as I receive one, I will update you all. Be forewarned however, we may have a boycott issue on our hands. Crest isn't the only one who knows how to play....

Additionally, one of my recent favourites for the summer beverages is 'Vinho Verde' -


a nice Portugese wine, that's refreshing, delicious, and most importantly - cheap. I've had several bottles in the past few weeks with the anything-but-winter-weather, and all of them have presented issues with the cork - namely that when uncorking the bottles, the cork falls apart into about three different pieces, sometimes more - and typically at least one chunk goes INTO the bottle. For this, they were GOING to recieve the following:

Dear Gazela,

I'll try to keep this simple since I don't know what skill level your translators are working with - but I am a big fan of your Vinho Verde. What I am not a big fan of however, is taint - more specifically, cork taint, which I suspect is what is happening when your corks crumble everytime I go to open up a bottle of your otherwise delicious wine. Please revise asap, and don't hesitate to send me samples so I can do some product testing on your new sealing methods.
Looking forward to your response and delivery,
Loony

Unfortunately, Gazela doesn't care about what their consumers have to say because they don't even have a feedback/contact us section on their website. So now what I want to send them is something like:

Dear Gazela,

Screw you for not wanting to hear what I think. I'm only trying to help you out and am extremely offended that you've cut off any reasonable source of contact with concerned consumers such as myself. On the otherhand, thank you for not frontin' like some of the oral care companies who claim to care what I think. You may be an asshole, but at least you're not a playa.
Your fan,
Loony

If anyone happens to find a way to contact the Gazela people (I wonder if maybe they don't have contact info because they're not people, but Gazelles?), let me know!